Attachments substitute – in terms of EFT
Message from Dr Sue Johnson:
“I work hard on a new book, which will give us an integration of emotions and attachment theory for psychotherapy. Love Sense / The Secret Love continues to sell like hotcakes, and this really helps readers gain a new understanding of romantic love. Thank you very much for you support these efforts through everything you do. “
We all know this book with great interest, because it will help us add a new dimension emotional depth understanding of the problems between the couple. Until then, Sue shares with us some basic ideas on how we can look addictions as a symptom of relational and emotional problems that may be discovered and worked by using EFT. We invite you to join us to go through the lines below. Enjoy!
Growing evidence indicates that addictive substances affect the same areas of the brain associated with attachment, emotions and needs attachment system.
Philip J. Flores, in his book called “Addiction as Attachment Disorder year” (Addiction / dependence as attachment disorder) describes the process by which a person begins to rely on alcohol or other substances to solve indirectly needs attachment.
Unfortunately, this process leads inevitably to a greater distance and the deepening and intensification of negative emotional couple cycles. For example, increasing dependency on alcohol intensifies Follow-withdrawal cycle that becomes increasingly chaotic.
Things work like and with regard to emotional adventures.
For example, a stalker emotional turning their attention by a colleague at first innocently. The attention is a nice thing. We have the same interests, flirting is easy or even nonexistent. But one day, while lunch, I share some of my problems in marriage. Answer my colleague vulnerability in a way that calms me and calms me.
Then it turns my attachment to this person, while I have the feeling that “this is a safe place” and my needs unmet resurface. I may take some time but then I realize that I think a lot, becoming more, how do I talk to my colleague.
Like the alcoholic in the previous example, I might start to lie or deliberately omit details or information Understanding how deep or intense becomes my connection with this colleague. We kiss, we have intercourse, but my heart already belongs to someone else.
SUBSTITUTE attachments serve to meet unmet emotional needs of contact, comfort and connection or to help numb, distracted or releasing attachment needs that are perceived as uncomfortable.
Rather than label these behaviors as “bad” EFT therapists can explore as part of the couple negative cycle.
“What happens to you when he drinks?”
“Start when you hear that opens the fridge late afternoon. Open the beer can hear the sound gives me chills down my spine. I feel like screaming: do not go past me again tonight! but I know that this will only make things worse. ”
And then we turn our attention to this person who drinks:
“Can you help me understand what they mean to you beers every night?”.
Every other shares that actually feels and then together explore all these things.
These attachments may substitute attachment doors to real needs. If we try we see people as they are and explore with them the need for compulsive gambling, shopping excess labor across boundaries, to go to every fair, etc., then we can afford unmet needs and emotions related attachment to surface.
“At home it’s just what I do not, about how I always disappoint her. But when I’m with my friends, they are excited to see me. We can talk freely with them myself, without my fear. No need to analyze everything in detail, what I’m saying what I feel. Just have fun. ”
We can see here a starting point to explore the experience of attachment to that person. Also, we can understand as a movement in dance – a retreat – active and stronger partner.
In terms of attachment significance of this behavior, to go outside the relationship to seek peace, relief, care or to leave distracted fun it is an important thing revealed and explored.
Attachments can be a natural substitute for SURVIVAL emotional, driven by the emotions of attachment system that sometimes develops over long periods of time (or child).
Sometimes people can trip over something, as did a partner client I had last year that he had felt very lonely and isolated time in his marriage. One day, being at a bar during happy hours, after many months in which lacks emotional intimacy, this partner type follower in terms of the emotional cycle has started a conversation with a woman. She showed him sympathy and praised him for various things. Later, kissing in a car in the parking lot. Then she invited him to go along and take some amphetamines (meth), something he never imagined he would do.
“After an hour, he had all these meth tide. I got home at six in the morning only. I lied. I said I was sorry and I stayed with friends. ”
A few months later in therapy, she has opened up saying “I think I have some problems,” his wife and gave her tears when she continued: “I am addicted to something very bad.”
When we look at things through the lens of specific attachment theory, we fail to understand the behavior of partners in such insecure attachment dance movements.
Attachments substitute is a way by which we can look and understand common compulsive behaviors that hinder rapprochement between partners, feeds and intensifies dysfunctional cycle and, indirectly, or numb satisfy the needs and emotions of normal healthy attachment system.
Dr. Sue Johnson, Substitute Working with Attachments in EFT